How do we connect the dots between our sense of self and influential others?
The best way to re-connect with the influential figures of our lives is through stories.
Stories do a number of things:
- they set the scene
- they describe action
- they inite us to think about the feelings, ideas and experiences of others,
- and they encourage us to make sense of our lives.
We'll often say things like 'I've always done that' or 'I've always been that way' when we are talking about practices or values. but there is usually a story behind it- some experience started us thinking of ourselves in a certain way.
I'll give you an example.
For as long as I can remember, I've been a very avid reader, and a teller of stories.
I like to make incidents into stories, and at one point in my life I thought I might become a novelist. Here is my idea of how this got started:
When I was around two or three years old, my mother had a friend who used to look after me- I called her Auntie Eva. Auntie Eva used to ask me to scribble on paper, which I was very pleased to do for her. And then- and this was the fun part- she'd 'read' me the story I had just 'written' with my scribbling.
My identity as a 'writer' and 'storyteller' was created by Eva, and encouraged by others over time.
I can identify several other people (including fictional characters, like 'Jo' from Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women") who influenced this identity. And though I no longer plan to be a novelist, the acts of writing and reading, and interest in stories have taken on rich meaning in my life over time.
And when I am faced with a writing assignment I feel worried about, or overwhelmed by, I can (sometimes) connect with this history of writing and storytelling, and find reassurance in this history. My 'esteem' of my 'writing self' goes up, a little, with each practice of these skills.
Can you do this for yourself?
Think of something that you do- something that you value or take pride in. Ask yourself:
- What is the history of this?
- Who are the people, living or passed away, real or fictional, who have influenced me in this practice?
- What story could I tell?
- What story might someone else tell about this?
- How does this connect with other stories?
- And how does it show up as meaningful in my life today?
Questions? Comments? Feel free...
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