"Comparison" can be an enormous factor in generating 'low self-esteem'.
This is partly because the standards of "Comparison" are usually based on outside sources, and may shift according to the situation. What is okay in one situation is judged negatively in another.
But when we are connected to our own purposes and values, this shifting standard of "Comparison" can lose a lot of its power over us.
Identity is something we build over time
If Identity is something we build over time, then it must be connected to our practices, our actions.
Sometimes these practices are accidental- we've just fallen into them without thought. An example might be always using hot water to brush our teeth- a habit that a person would likely never think about, unless it was pointed out to us. example, example.
Other practices are taught to us- like the practice of tucking our sheets with 'hospital corners'- imitating our parent, who did it that way.
And some practices are more intentional- 10 sit ups before bed; always answering email right away.
These practices invite other people to describe us in certain ways: tidy, diligent, thoughtful, fussy, fit...Over time we can begin to lose sight of the idea that actually, these are things we learned to do. We can start to think we were 'born that way'.
But when we begin to think about our practices, and we begin to think about the values that these practices express, then we can see ourselves as 'shaping our own identity'.
When we look at Comparisons, and then think about our own values, we create the space for ourselves to intentionally choose practices that fit with those values.
So, if I agree with my Canadian family that I am fit, then I may exprerince satisfaction with my shape and physical ability and maintain my present relationship with food and activity.
If I listen to my British family, and agree that I am at risk for health problems, then I might modify my relationship with food and activity.
These two opinions might generate conflict for me: I might lose confidence in my own choices and practices. Not only that: I may decide that I prefer how I feel with one group of people over how I feel with the other group. These choices will have effects on my life in various ways.
But if I check in with my own values and purposes - to be energetic, to be able to appreciate my surroundings, to treat my body with loving kindness- then I will choose to develop a relationship with food and activity that is moderate: walking out of doors more often to appreciate nature; walking on my treadmill because it stimulates my mind; more veg and fruit because then I feel more alert; moderate indulgence in sweets as part of an enjoyable meal.
My relative shape and size are less important than how I feel mentally, and what I am appreciating in daily life. I develp practices that are based on the values I cherish in my life; and these stay consistent no matter what group I am with.
I think this quote might be relevant to these ideas:
"Sow an act, and you reap a habit; sow a habit, and you reap a character; sow a character, and you reap a destiny. George Dana Boardman"
What do you think?
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