Stories of "Failure" and Self-Esteem
Here are some questions I've been re-considering lately:
- What happens when we fail at something?
- What is the process afterwards?
- How do we recover?
- What is the standard of performance?
- How do these standards develop?
Here's why : I use the writing site www.750words.com to develop my writing habits.
This site tracks the number of words you write in a session (the minimum is 750 or 3 pages); and rewards you with 'badges' for making it a daily habit.
I've discovered I like badges...
So, back in the summer of 2011, I'd gotten to a personal record -168 days in a row, heading toward the coveted pteradactyl badge-and then, in a moment of distraction forgot to write one day, and my 'perfect' record was lost.
Disappointment, Annoyance, Blame, Discouragement
These were my first reactions...
And then I had some decisions to make. These included:
- What story will I tell about that moment of disruption, and the loss of my 'record'?
- Do I focus on what happened, analyse it, discover how it happened and why?
- Will I draw conclusions about the future based on this?
- What kinds of descriptions of my character will I offer myself?
The invention of the assembly line took problem solving in a certain direction.
If something was slowing up production, then the problem needed to be spotted and addressed. Logical assessment worked because production was mechanical; a 'rational' fitting together of parts in logical steps.
It works great for assembly lines, closets, cars, because these things can be 'fixed', and then they tend to stay that way (until the next problem arises).
How does it work for people?
People are less mechanical than that. We change from moment to moment on many levels. And when we use a 'mechanical' metaphor to think about our problems it may have certain unwanted effects.
People don't really get 'fixed'. And even when we think that this has happened, it just doesn't stay that way.
Let's look at what it does when we analyse a 'failure' in terms of problem cause and effects.
- We look for the cause of the problem. ("what made me forget to write"?)
- We consider several possibilities. ("I got distracted by my busy life" or "I am not structured enough" -just 2 examples!).
- We try to come up with ways to 'fix' the cause of the problem. ("I need to cut out some activities" or "I need to be more firm in my routine").
- We apply the 'fix'. (resolve to write every morning).
- We start again, with expectations that the 'fix' will bring the desired results. (Didn't work, I missed the whole month of December!)
What happens when the 'fix' doesn't work?
When a plan based on a 'production' model of cause and effect fails to get results most of us will begin to blame ourselves.
We find reasons in our character- lack of discipline, laziness, inconsistency, too distracted.
These descriptions are important, because they have a cumulative effect on our sense of 'self-esteem': the ideas that we have of our ability to form and keep a habit, ideas about how we might describe ourselves to others, ideas about what we can and cannot do in life.
That's why I prefer a problem solving approach that looks at 'Practices and Values' instead of "Cause and Effect".
More on that, next time.
Dear Bonnie,
This interesting blog ended with "That's why I prefer a problem solving approach that looks at 'Practices and Values' instead of "Cause and Effect".
More on that, next time."
Next time? I'm desperate to know what you mean. And, notwithstanding your pteradactyl badge, how do I know when the next blog will be? Bonnie, don't fail me!
Posted by: Daryl Landau | 02/15/2012 at 01:03 PM